Currently , chatting with Eeqin Adeq and Shazwani Cousin . Haishq , I feel like typing , but I can't stop thinking about how much I miss him and about Saturday . This song in my life blog really describes how I feel . You're the only one I'm thinking about right now . And , while blogging , I can't stop looking at our picture . While typing , my tears won't stop flowing from my eyes . This is the worst holiday ever ! Bbhy , why must this happend to us ?! Don't you trust us anymore ? I love you too much to let you go away from my life . *CRYING* . Walaupun Syahidah nampak happy , dalam hati , Syahidah selalu fikir kan Rudy . I'm using my real name because , Rudy taqk pernah mataey nan Syaakerchiq . He has all along been with Syahidah . Syaakerchiq , comes out when she's with her clans . Syahidah comes out , when Rudy is beside her . Without her , Syaakerchiq will grow non-stop . I'm bad , I have bad attitude . And it has been him who is helping me out . Aku mane angkt bende2 taek tuu lagi after being with Rudy . The thing I'm gonna miss aout him so much is his sarcastic giggles . Like me . We will laugh at the same time and stop and give us a good sarcastic face (: I miss those time . I was very happy upon meeting him this Saturday . After that fight , everything was ....
I was really happy that he voluntered to come down and meet me before meeting his brother . But in the end , he is meeting me to ask for a break . The reason I don't accept his break online is because , I miss him and I really wish to see him . Gaaaaaaah -- ! I'm so stressed *CRYING* . I just wished I could rewind the time and think before I talked . Why am I scared to lose him ? He never thought of taking advantage of me . Therefore , I trust him . We are close , very close . Like brother and sister . Like husband .. And wife .. ): My gaaaaaawd ! I just wish , no one would want him . I know I'm selfish , I can't stand being hurt . I love him so much . I don't know if I can still call him my boyfriend . My hunneyhDyiie , My bbhyDyiie , My taekpisang ... Hmms --
I can't believe REMEMBER SEPTEMBER is gonna end soon . So soon .. Very soon ! I'm afraid of being alone . He understands me well . You know Rudy , I have ever imagine us being together (: Hving 5kids like you want ^^ Leaving in one house , a very happy family . All my dreams are crushed . I just thought I could see you earning your license one day , seeing you going to NasionalService and will be waiting for you every weekends . Seeing you bald (: Haahahaa ! But too bad , that dreams and hopes have crushed because of my fxcking mouth . Syaa ! Aku benci kau ! Pahsal kau , kau akan kehilangan orang yang kau betol-betol synq , yang kau menaruh harapan tinggi atas dhe . You know what Rudy , sometimes I would ask my friend if they have any free job , and I would look in the newspaper in the classified page . I would scroll down at jobs offer . For you . Pathetic kan I (: Hmms -- ! Too many things remind me of you . My bearbear , Ruru , which was named after you . Barney . The phone you gave me . My video post for you . Vivocity . KarateKid . You were the one who treat me to the ticket right . i WAS SO HAPPY (: I don't know why my tears keep falling . Syaa , aku paham kau sedih . Terima yang Rudy tanak kau lagi okayq synq . Why am I talking to myself ?! I'm so pressured ! I'm stressed . What am I going to say to Mama . And I won't be able to see your mak and bapak again . You will bring the next girl home to show to your parents right . I just hope I wouldn't see you or ever meet you at any place when you're attached . I just can't stand being hurt like that . Your birthday , if you're having one . Don't invite me alright (: Much appreciated . I don't want to see you sleazing around girls . I can't see you with other girls . Jealouse will raid my soul . Dari Syaa tengok Rudy dengan perempuan lain , Syaa lebih rela go blind . You just don't know that I love you so much . And eeyore reminds me of you too ! You have been living this 9 month plus with me . And we have been going through stuff . Many reminds me of you . . . .

I love you so much RudyRezuan .. Don't force yourself to love me alright . You're a strong guy . Meet me depan 7/11 pat Admiralty Mrt Station at 12pm please . Earlier the better . Take care ..

Once again , I love you ...

Yours Sincerely ,
Nur syahidah Bte Azman .

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